I reread reports on the government plans regarding SEND today, and I cannot help worrying that this is a male-centred document written to not recognise the complexity of neurodiversity in girls. I want to sound like a broken record because something has to be done. 

If every child with a need gets an ISP from the school, then it depends on the school’s understanding of each condition as it presents itself. An article in 2025 recognised that it was autistic girls who often experience inadequacies in support and inequality from schools

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13603116.2025.2560002#abstract

Is the money set aside for staff training enough to educate all staff in autism in girls and provide the support they need, as this report calls for? I doubt it because it has to look after everyone else’s needs as well. I therefore believe that autistic girls need their own strategy for support. 

Here is why…. Let me tell you about autism in girls.

Autistic girls are hiding in plain sight. One of the key characteristics of autism in girls is their ability to mask. On first glance, a teacher may not recognise that a girl is autistic. The fact that they have a good friend group, make eye contact with them or don’t seem to be presenting with stimming will indicate that the girl must be normal.

However, the autistic girl is masking. Autistic girls learn to do this at an early age by observing the world around them and copying. This is not often done consciously, either; rather, the brain adapts to what it sees others doing. Like me, these girls have learnt the importance of eye contact and force themselves to do it. This forced behaviour can leave them drained, as they have had to concentrate so hard. 

I used to have terrible meltdowns at school when I had had enough and spent a lot of time crying in the matron’s room, not knowing what was wrong with me, only feeling that I did not belong in the world. I was just different or awkward, apparently. The only support I had was in the sixth form, when I had some counselling, but no one really knew I was autistic, as the characteristics of autism in girls have only been uncovered in the last twenty years. 

Autistic girls often feel different but don’t know why, and often they long to be part of the ‘normal world’. They do not want to stand out as different, but at times they do. I used to have no filter, and my mouth got me into trouble numerous times. I never meant to be vindictive. Often, my outbursts were cries for help, for someone to recognise my struggles, but nobody ever did. Actually, that is a lie; my head of sixth form said I needed to see a psychiatrist, but it was dismissed by my parents, and they never told me he said this at the time. 

The consequence of this masking and exhaustion is a meltdown and burnout.

Autistic burnout is costing autistic girls, in my opinion, hours of school time, due to missed days. Burnout can be very scary if you don’t know what you are experiencing. During the burnout I had after my A Levels, I was sleeping in the middle of the day, I felt sick and dizzy a lot, I had little motivation to do anything, and at the same time was constantly fixated on what was wrong with me. Medically, there was nothing wrong. I had lots of tests, and I now know I was in Burnout, utterly exhausted, but then it was a mystery. 

All in all, my school experience was horrendous; that was the 90s for you. However, I believe no one, male or female, should experience the loneliness and unhappiness I had. Teachers and other staff need to know how to uncover the mask, work with the student and family to provide support and provide inclusive learning environments where it is ok to be different. This is going to save autistic girls years of therapy to recover from the trauma they experienced in school. Instead, the schools will be creating resilient autistic girls who will thrive in their adult lives. 

A note on my eye contact. Since my diagnosis, I am very real with people about my autism and no longer force eye contact. I laugh with my friends when I make eye contact for a sustained period, particularly when I am performing, saying how honoured they are!