It’s a good thing your daughter can mask; it will stand her in good stead for her adult life. 

This is an actual quote from my daughter’s ex-teacher; they did not last very long at the school, surprisingly. In my blog today, I want to talk about masking and the need to help autistic women and girls to remove the mask, for their own health. 

Masking is the term for when autistic people attempt to hide their autistic traits in order to fit in with what they perceive as the normal world. This hiding could be refraining from stimming behaviours such as hand or leg movements. One of my stimming behaviours is rubbing my leg It helps me regulate when I am talking to people.. Stimming behaviours may help calm the autistic person, helping them concentrate and avoid distractions. Many times, these stimming behaviours are involuntary. When masking, the autistic person will notice themselves doing it and stop.  

Masking could also be copying conversations or specific phrasing, or reducing oversharing, another common trait. Copying body language is very common in autistic women and girls, as they often cannot interpret body language themselves. They will also copy tone, as this is another thing they struggle with. Many autistic women and girls teach themselves this mimicking at an early age. They are suppressing who they are to avoid feeling different or being seen by others as different. 

So why is masking so damaging? Well, it takes a lot of energy to do. It takes a huge amount of concentration to hide what comes naturally; it is utterly exhausting and often futile, as the reality is you cannot mask all the time, something slips. It leads to something most autistic people want to avoid- burnout. Burnout is a mixture of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion; it can be debilitating, leaving the autistic person bedridden. Symptoms include severe exhaustion, a fuzzy head, where you cannot organise your thoughts, as well as other physical symptoms such as headache, digestive issues and muscle aches. It can cause a person to miss days, and sometimes weeks, of work. Basically, it is not a healthy way to live, for an adult or a child. 

Autistic people mask because they don’t want to appear different. The reason why they don’t want to appear different is that difference is often teased, ostracised and discriminated against. Fortunately, things are changing slowly, and self-expression is now more encouraged than in the past. However, there are individuals in and out of schools who simply do not understand how autism presents in women and girls and the issues with masking. Education is so important in this case, the need for better education of school staff so they can effectively support autistic girls. Sadly, this is lacking, and until proper investment is made in training, autistic girls may not have access to the support they need and deserve. 

As for me, I am attempting day by day not to mask as much. I understand that my stimming behaviour is useful in self-regulation, particularly in stressful situations. I know I often sway when standing, and I find the action comforting. I am happy to explain to others why I do it. I am very open about being autistic, to help people understand what it means to be autistic and what my strengths and weaknesses are. It still gets me into trouble, as I often have no filter, but I own it and am not hiding from anyone.