Autism really is the gift that keeps giving. 

I came across RSD on social media, in a post by a parent who was struggling. I had never heard of it before, but once I read about it, I immediately knew it was something I had always struggled with, and it explained a lot about my life experience to this point. 

RSD is often seen in ADHD and Autism and is an intense, emotional response to perceived criticism. It can almost be felt as physical pain. The emotional response could be inconsolable crying, panicked breathing, severe anxiety, as well as deep feelings of anger, resentment and extreme sadness. To the untrained eye, it may appear to be a hysterical overreaction, but it can be incredibly debilitating. 

I remember being on a training course for managers once, and we had to do a 360 review, where people I worked with wrote about my skills and what I needed to improve. I remember going into the room with the trainer to look at my review, and within 2 minutes, I began to react emotionally to what I was being told. You see, I hated and still hate being criticised. I will do whatever it takes to please people and not be at fault, which, of course, is completely impossible. I am proud that I made the decision to tell the trainer, “I don’t want to hear this; this is not helpful.” I put my reaction down to the fact that I was pregnant, but now I know this was RSD. 

I have always felt left out of things. I have never been with the in crowd. I am odd, and people don’t get me. I apparently say the wrong thing, and some people don’t know what to say to me.  I now realise that the deep sense of sadness I feel when I feel left out is RSD. I am hoping that understanding my RSD will help me with those overwhelming feelings of sadness, which often make me feel like I want to isolate myself and stay in bed. It leads to a very deep sense of inadequacy, and it can become all-consuming. 

I am learning to reflect on what people say to me before I react, but it is hard. Working in an environment where I am so happy and can use my skills effectively really helps my confidence. Yet I am still very self-critical of myself if I am not perfect. I made a very slight mistake whilst performing recently, and it cast a shadow on the whole evening. I felt my performance was poor and spent the evening reflecting on it. 

So, what should I be doing to help myself with RSD?

If it is really affecting my mental health, it is a good idea to seek medical help. There are medications which can help treat RSD if I feel that is what I need. I would encourage anyone reading this to seek medical help if you feel the world would be better off without you in it. It is your RSD making you feel like that. 

Therapy and counselling can also help work through RSD triggers and responses. Talking about RSD with a counsellor or a trusted friend will also potentially help. Accepting that you will never please everyone and that is OK, can be very healing. 

Being able to name your RSD is really helpful, knowing that this dysphoria is part of your autism or ADHD, helps the road to recovery, and it also helps distance you from the intense feelings. 

I am on a journey with my RSD. Whilst I am getting better with accepting criticism, I am deeply struggling with feelings of being left out or excluded. It truly is heartbreaking and leaves you feeling very alone. However, being able to name this feeling is a start to help me come to terms with what my brain is doing. I will keep you posted on how I get on. 

If you know autistic people or those with ADHD, please go easy on them. Try to be inclusive and accepting where you can. Create safe spaces where they can be themselves and remind them that they are loved. Neurodiverse people make loyal friends who care deeply about those around them.